Weekend recap and random thoughts

So I had a great weekend :) Full of friends and drinking and laughing. Friday night I did absolutely nothing and it was perfect. I sat at home and caught up on my DVR. Saturday I worked and got out at a pretty decent hour. Then I went home showered, changed and headed out. Ron and I met up for some gyros and then we went to Martini for Shannon's going away party. I'm honestly going to miss her for the 3 months she's gone. I wish her nothing but the absolute best in Mexico and I hope she learns a ton and has a great time doing it. I got home at a relatively decent hour and was in bed by 2:00. I had to get up decently early to work at a bridal show in Aurora. Honestly, that was the low point of my weekend just because it was so boring. And it wasn't even that bad. Then I boogied home to change and get ready for the game. I stopped at Dan's house for the party he was having there and that was fun. A few people came and went and I headed out just before halftime. I went to my aunt and uncle's and had a freakin blast. Apparently I got a little more drunk than I had realized, but it was all in good fun. haha!

On a side note, I've been talking to Rick a bit lately and let me just tell you how awesome it is to be friends with someone like that and have absolutely zero expectations of anything. We are completely 100% open and honest with each other and have a blast just talking and bullshitting. It's so refreshing and different for me.

My divorce will be final next Monday. It's crazy. It's absolutely what I want and it's for the best for both of us but it's still hard. To 'celebrate' and get my mind off of it I'm going to be going to Mountaineer with a few friends Wedneday night. It was the only night that would work for us and why the hell not? haha! That is the part of single life that I'm really liking, the part I've never ever gotten to experience before. And I don't mean single as in 'single lady out there dating'. I mean single as in 'don't have to ask anyone permission to decide things on the fly'. Good times :)

Fantastic!

I had an amazing weekend! Seriously one of the most fun weekends I've had in a long time. Friday I got out of work at a relatively decent time, stopped and got Chinese and wine (it was a shitty week) and made it home by 9. I ate, drank and headed to bed. For some unknown reason I woke up at 4am and laid wide awake forever. I fell asleep about 15 minutes before my alarm went off. Grr. Oh well though! I headed in to work and actually had a half decent day. And by half decent, I mean I didn't want to slit both wrists, just one. After work I headed home for a quick change and to finish packing then I headed up to my cousin's house. She had dropped the boys off ahead of time at Hibachi so they could get our name in the list. We bullshitted around a little bit and then headed over. Here's the funny thing of the story: she was kind of setting me up on a half-blind date. haha! Her boyfriend's friend was in town for the weekend as well and they thought it'd be funny to kind of set us up. But it was super low pressure and really ended up just being 4 of us all hanging out. After dinner we headed to the bar for a drink and then to the comedy club. That was my first time ever going to a comedy club and holy shit! It was freakin hilarious! My face hurt so bad by the end. Every time I went to take a drink I just about spit it out. Then we went back over to the bar for a few more drinks then decided to head home. I then had my official Steelers initiation. That was quite interesting. And if I remember correctly, there is photo evidence of it happening. Oy! We drank some more and watched the rest of a movie (I honestly don't remember what movie. Is that a problem?) Then on Sunday we all lounged all damn day. We watched funny movies and took short naps and had a freakin blast. Kevin made everyone breakfast and we ordered pizza for dinner. The plan was for all of us to head or separate ways on Sunday but we were all tired, it had been snowing, and we were all having a good time. So we all stayed Sunday night too. Rick regretted it this morning when he had to get up at 5am to drive back to Pittsburgh in order to make it to work on time. haha! But it all worked out. Nicki and I slept in a little longer (I'm so glad she doesn't have to be at work til 11) while the boys headed off to work. It was a great time. My cousin is my best friend in the whole world. I seriously want my life to be like this permanently in the next 5-10 years. And no, I'm not saying with Rick. haha! I just want us to be close forever and have our husbands be friends too.

Really, Becky? Really?

Is it necessary to eat an entire bag of kettle corn by yourself? Apparently.

Hard to tell why exactly I'm indulging in this currently. It's clearly not AF's fault. Even though I like to blame as much as possible on her, she was here last week. I guess maybe it's the weather. My appetite has increased ten fold over the past few weeks.

What else is new in my life besides my growing ass, you ask? Well, I have had a marathon of working 3 weeks straight. Not a single day off. I'm exhausted and completely spent. The good news is that it's been extremely productive and I've gotten a ton of contracts out and they've started rolling back in. Which will probably piss my coworker off royally that she won't win our weekly award for quite some time because I've strategically placed these contract to come back evenly spaced out. Yep, I'm evil. It's ok.

I hurt my knee this past weekend. It's nothing serious...I didn't tear or break anything. Just a bad sprain and a little fluid in the knee. Nothing some PT and drugs won't fix.

I also have a confession. I miss Ryan sometimes. I miss the good times we had and the laughs we shared. Winter was always good for us. We were both home more and spent more time together doing fun activities like taking the dogs to the field and letting them run their heads off and even just playing board games together. I'm not regretting or second guessing my decision because I know it's for the best. But that doesn't mean I don't miss the good things and times we had together sometimes too. I think it's hard for a lot of people to understand when I say things like this. They think that if it was bad enough to get out, it couldn't have been good at all. Which isn't true. It just was mostly and horribly bad a lot of the time. We still had good times though. And I think it's relatively normal after a certain amount of time to start missing those things. I think it's why a lot of couples get back together after they break up but most of those only end up breaking up again. You forget the horrible things, remember the good things and already have a certain amount of love for the person so it seems ok walking in. And don't worry, I'm not headed back to that.

Mostly I miss the companionship of always having someone there to talk to. And having a comfort level with someone that didn't look at me sideways when I revealed my stupid little quirks or something.

Just cause

I came across a card I saved that a friend sent me awhile ago.

The card reads: Whatever happens, hold on to these thoughts - you are stronger than you imagine, braver than you know...and cared about so much more than words could ever tell. I'm here for you always.

And she wrote: I saw this card and thought of you, of course. You are a smart, strong and passionate person who can do whatever you set your mind to. You deserve the best always and I know "the clouds will quickly pass" and you'll be on to clear skies soon. In the famous words of Kanye West "Now everything I'm not made me everything I am. Damn, here we go again. People talkin shit, but when the shit hit the fan Everything I'm not made me everything I am.

My friends amaze me and give me strength every minute of every day.

At what point....

Do you realize that your life has been truly blessed to be surrounded by the people you are? This was one of those moments. I have been friends with these ladies since 6th grade. And I've actually been friends with the girl on the far left since kindergarten. I'm so proud to be friends with these amazingly beautiful and successful women (holy crap! we are women!) and to have had them bless my life the way they have. 4 of them are married; 2 of them have beautiful children; 1 of them is not only a foster parent but is in the process of adopting one of the kids therefore she has a 3 month old, a 9 month old and a 15 month old; 1 of them has a career in marketing; 1 of them has a career in college recruiting; 1 of them will soon be working in college administration; 1 of them is a nurse. Honestly, what more could a girl ask for in friends? Oh, and can we mention how beautiful they all are??

All the single ladies...

Or this post could also be titled: Confession.

Being single is not exactly something I'm used to. No, in fact I haven't been truly single since I was a sophomore in high school. And let's be honest, that doesn't even count. I'm going to give the remainder of this post a disclaimer: Please do not take this for me being self-centered and annoying. If you are going to, stop reading right now. Seriously. Cause this is a place I post my thoughts and feelings and you certainly are not required to read them. Anyhow....

I have a hard time being single. It's not that I don't like the freedom it gives me. I love that. I honestly feel a bit lonely. I love having someone there that I can tell about every little thing that happens in my day. And sure I have my friends and family that I can do that with, but it's just not quite the same.

I know I'm a strong and relatively independent woman. But I also know I like feeling like I have someone to take care of me. For me, this is a whole new mindset. One I can honestly say I'm looking forward to finding in my own way. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm feeling out of my comfort zone. But, like they say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

I'll drink to that.

In an instant

So I was coming over here to talk about my lack of optimism. See, I'm a very optimistic person. I always have been. And quite honestly, I'm the kind of person that can be relatively annoying simply because I'm always trying to find the good in every situation and every person. I also tend to get screwed quite easily for that same reason. I'm always giving people the benefit of the doubt and thinking they only hurt me on accident and won't do it again or they really do mean well.

For some strange reason, I'm not thinking 2009 is going to be any good. Do I think it will have some high points? Of course! Everything in life has high points. But I just don't see it being an exceptional year for any reason. I'm afraid of what will happen actually. There is still a lot of uncertainty in my life and that makes me beyond nervous. I know I've said it before, but I like being in control and knowing what's coming next. I love acting surprised, but really in all honesty I don't really like being surprised. I used to find all of my Christmas gifts before Christmas just so I would know how to react to what I'm getting. I was always so afraid of not acting excited enough and I want people to know I'm extremely grateful for thinking of me and taking time out of their life to not only go out and purchase a gift, but to use the money they worked so hard for to pay for it. And I think that's how I feel with my life in a lot of ways. I'm always afraid that what's coming next will be really disappointing but I don't want people to think that I'm not grateful for life or for the experiences in it so I'd prefer to know what's coming.

Wow. That was quite an interesting little paragraph there. haha! The whole point of this post has now changed though. See, I was coming over here to say how I'm frustrated and I really don't think that 2009 will be a good year and blah blah blah. But turns out, it's ok. See, it's ok to feel down sometimes. It's ok to feel like not every single thing in your life is going to be perfect. You know why? Well I'll tell you. It's because God puts certain people in your life during those times to help you through. And I have amazing people surrounding me right now.

My family is incredible, but I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that a few hundred times so I'll leave that one alone right now. I run with a crew that constantly keeps my laughing (and generally keeps a cold drink in my hand as well). And I have a group of girls online that are amazing, strong women. Most of them are going through incredibly hard times in their lives but are all still standing there with a smile on their face and open arms and ears to listen to me gripe. They let me know that I'm not perfect but that it's perfectly ok.

I know that no matter what 2009 brings, I will have great people backing me up. Will there be hard times? Without a doubt in my mind. But I really think in the end that it will turn out ok.

Thanks, Shereen. You don't know how much I needed that today. :)