Pumpkin Pie,

I’m pretty sure I start out every single letter to you with how much I love you. I just can’t help it, because I do love you an incredible amount. It overwhelms me sometimes. So much so that I hold you tightly to my chest and just smell and kiss you. Sometimes against your will. But my to my delight, you have started loving it. We sit and cuddle and talk and smooch and giggle and it is the most magical time of my life. I wouldn’t trade those moments for a bazillion dollars. And I’ve wished for a bazillion dollars quite a few times in my life so that should tell you where you rank.

You have one heck of a temper though, little lady. If you are mad the entire world knows about it. I think you got your lungs from your Aunt Halley. She used to rattle the windows and I’m pretty sure I’ve heard ours clank a few times too.

Don’t tell anyone, but I love that you need me so much right now. For the first threeish months of your life I knew you needed me for survival and while I loved it, it seemed like too much sometimes. However, now you need me emotionally and that melts my heart. Knowing that I am the person to you that my mom was to me brings tears to my eyes. That sounds silly, and you probably won’t know what that means until you have your own little gremlin, but you’ll understand some day.

Grandma Bobbi was the best comforter in the whole world. She knew exactly how to stroke my hair and kiss my head and make everything all better. Now that I’m that for you, as basic as it may be at this point, my life feels complete. I have a purpose in my life. I have a reason to get up and get your cranky pants out of bed. The best part is that as soon as you hear my sing our morning song you stop whining and start smiling. You get so excited and reach out to me and stretch your tiny little body as far as it will go.

I have seen your beautiful little face for 6 months now. That’s half a year. It blows my mind that I have been able to keep you alive (and generally happy) that long. Surely we can make it the next 20 some years.

You have started sitting up completely on your own. Well, from a reclined position anyhow. You can roll over too, you just generally refuse to because you know someone will come along to your rescue if you just yell about it long enough. And yell you do! You don’t scream, you don’t cry, you yell when you want something. It’s actually quite comical and when I stop to laugh at you (well, with you not at you) you’ll look up at me and grin and then get back to yelling when you realize I won’t roll you over.

You are sleeping in your bed right now and you have no idea how big of a deal that is. Ever since you have been 3 weeks old you’ve been sleeping in your car seat. The doctor said it was ok so I went with it, but I’m glad you are in your bed now. And you are sleeping on your belly in your bed. I know you are supposed to be on your back but even when I start you out that way you put yourself on your belly so I figure you’ll be just fine.

I’m pretty convinced that you are going to skip crawling all together. You have no interest in spending any time learning how to crawl or get around on your belly but you are already trying to take steps. Can’t say I’d be all that surprised. Then again, I probably wouldn’t be surprised if you decide to not be mobile at all for the first year of your life just because you know your sisters will tote you around wherever you’d like go. As long as it works I say go for it, kid.

I love you, bug. I love you more than there are stars in the sky. Promise me you’ll never forget that and I promise I’ll never stop showing you.

Love always and forever,

Mommy

March 3, 2011

Dear Bug,

I’m sitting here beside you as you watch your Baby Einstein and it’s all I can do to look away from you. I’m still in awe so many times that I made you. The fact that you came out of my body is something that completely blows my mind. You are trying to figure out how to suck your thumb. It’s not that you don’t know how, you’ve done it before. I think you aren’t quite sure whether or not you want to. Maybe you hear me yelling at Gabby for sucking hers and you are trying to save us both a little trouble a few years down the road.

I do pretty much anything for a smile. In public and in private. Your favorite song is ‘If you’re happy and you know it’ and it has been for about 3 months now. It makes you grin every time. Sometimes even when you are screaming your head off. Those are my favorite times. You want to keep crying because you just do, but you can’t help but smile too. It’s quite a funny little sight.

The novelty of you is slowing starting to wear off on your sisters. While they love entertaining you and playing with you, they are back to not doing it every waking moment. Some days I beg them to just so I can finish dinner and they begrudgingly oblige me but are soon giggling along with you. Those brief moments melt my heart. I’ve thought a dozen times now how I wish I would get those on film so that we’ll remember them for years to come, but I can’t seem to force myself to stop watching long enough to get the video app or camera up and running. That’s ok though. There were moments like that when I was young that we can now all talk about and don’t need video to remind ourselves.

Just the other day the girls held a photoshoot and you were there one and only model. They set up different scenes and had me change your outfit for them. They included a bowling scene, beach scene, spring setting, Easter egg hunt, and school scene. It was really quite comical. Gabby was not a happy camper when we told her that you had stated in your contract that you needed a break every so often for a bottle, but she survived and quickly moved on to playing with Pappy instead.

Sleep is starting to become a more regular thing for you also. Some nights you sleep almost completely through and I actually find myself refreshed in the morning. Trust me when I say that’s healthiest for all involved in our household (Daddy especially). About a week ago you started sitting up on your own. You sat down on the floor and looked up at me and in your little mind speak I heard you say, ‘See, Mom. I knew I could do it. I’m not sure why I had to prove it to you.’ That seems to be how you do everything. Like you’ve done it your whole life and are only doing it now to appease me. But that’s ok, I’ll take that.

My tiny little newborn is long gone. You are such a beautiful infant now and I fear a toddler much sooner than I would like. New things excite you so much. Your arms and legs tense up and you reach your longest reach for them. You love exploring new things. The other night Daddy commented how you seem to take everything in completely before you move on. You are very careful and slow to understand it and comprehend it. You opened and closed your little book about 15 times like you were trying to figure out how it worked. And then you understood it completely. You knew you could open and close it as you needed to and that was good for you

You have absolutely no idea how much you are adored and by so many people. You won’t know for many years. Until you have a little gremlin yourself. Then you’ll begin to understand that depth and magnitude of love that can be felt toward another human being. I love getting to know you and your silly, impatient personality. Every day is something new and exciting. I love you more than there are stars in the sky, little bug.

Love always,

Mommy

Day 3

My first love.

Well I have a lot of first loves.

My first romantic love? R.J. He was my high school boyfriend. I did love him. We grew up together. One of us a little more than the other, but still together no less. We met when I was a sophomore and he was a senior. He pursued me more than I did him, and he was hella hot so I was hella flattered. ;) I remember that at one of my choir concerts he showed up late in his dirty baseball uniform and all of the girls were whispering trying to figure out who he was and I was so excited to exclaim that he was mine. haha! I honestly learned how to love when I dated him. I learned about jealousy and trust and happiness and hurt. An experience I wouldn't trade for anything. It helped me be who I am today.

Day 2

The story behind my blog name:

My blog was created as an outlet for my feelings and frustrations in a horrible marriage. I originally started it with no intent of sharing with anyone else. I was internalizing way too much and needed to release and this was my way. It was living a daily rollercoaster of a life. One minute we'd be happy and normal and the next would be such an extreme opposite. Little did I know that the true rollercoaster was yet to come. :) Sometimes I like to look back at those horrible posts simply to remind myself how strong of a person I am to have made it where I am.

I like to give this little breakdown of my life for those unaware of the rollercoaster I actually lived. All of the following events have happened in the past 5 years of my life:

Graduated college

Started a new job

Got married

Moved into a new apartment

Bought a car

(all of those things happened within 60 days)

Bought a puppy

Bought a house

Moved into the house all by myself

Started a new job

Bought another puppy

Bought our third puppy

Moved in with my parents

Got divorced

Got my own apartment

Started dating someone (with two kids)

Moved to Pittsburgh

Started a new job

Got pregnant

Got married

Had a baby

And here we are :)

Day 1

My name is Rebeca Sue. My first name was after my dad's ex-girlfriend (my mother is a very patient woman ;) ) and my middle name is after my mother's middle name. I am 5'7" with light brown hair and blue eyes. I have a beautiful 11 week old daughter named Reese, an 8 year old step-daughter named Victoria and a 4 (almost 5) year old step-daughter named Gabriella. They keep me extremely busy at all times but happier than I ever knew possible. Here are 15 facts about me:

1-I LOVE my middle name. My grandpa calls my mom Susie and my Little Susie and it is the most special thing I've ever been called.

2-I was married and divorced all before I turned 25.

3-My 25th birthday was the best birthday of my life thus far.

4-While I now have my own family, I still consider my parents and siblings to be "my family" more often than my daughters and husband. It's weird to think I'm a mother in the same way my mom is one.

5-I miss my maternal grandmother every day of my life. She'd be so in love with Reese.

6-I hate my body. Every thing about it except my eyes.

7-I used to hate chocolate but now I find myself craving it.

8-It's no secret to anyone but I LOVE the Grinch. In fact, I have an unhealthy obsession with it.

9-I didn't fall in love with my daughter until she was about 9 weeks old. Now, I can't get enough of her.

10-My husband makes me laugh every single day.

11-The thought of March Madness gets me excited - even in December.

12-I hate our apartment.

13-I never want to be pregnant again but I want to go through labor even though it was excruciating pain.

14-I am scream-from-the-mountain-tops proud of myself for giving birth with no pain medications whatsoever. I am part of the small 2% of women at the hospital that have.

15-I have a scab on my scalp that I've had since 7th grade. I've never let it completely heal.

Dear Bug,

Dear Bug,

I had this crazy idea that I would write a little letter to you every single month on the actual day of your birth. Well, as you can clearly see (and you will always remember), your mommy is not that talented. So I figured since I had a few minutes now I'd tap one out to you.

You are growing so quickly every day. Sometimes I feel like I just blink and you have changed. Everyone tells me how absolutely beautiful you are. Whether they are just being polite or not, I truly believe you are one of the prettiest babies ever. And I'm not even trying to be biased on that (though clearly I am), because you really are just a gorgeous little thing. We recently got your 6 week pictures back and I'm completely in awe of you. The intense looks on your face. Your silly way of sticking your tongue out. The mad-at-the-world scream you have. It's all captured in there and I have no doubt I will cherish those photos every day of my life.

Just in the past 3 days you have grown into so much more of a personality. You are smiling and cooing at things. You will now sit in your swing by yourself for quite some time just taking in the world around you. I could sit and watch you for hours whether you are crying or sleeping or smiling. It doesn't matter to me. I'm so amazed by you. By the fact that such a perfect little human grew inside of me.

Don't worry, you still aggravate me on a regular basis and I know that will only increase as you get older. But I wouldn't trade that aggravation for all the gold in the world. It's what makes us, us. And that's what I've grown to love the most. You and me. We are a team. We share something that no one else in the whole world shares with either of us. You need me and I need you. We can make each other laugh in an instant.

There are times when I just wish I could freeze time. I wish that we would never change and we could live in that moment forever. Especially times when you, me and Daddy are all sitting on the couch in a quiet moment all making each other laugh. Just last night, you pooped your pants so loud that Daddy and I laughed so hard for a solid minute. And then how happy you were for that accomplishment made us laugh even more. When I took you in your room to change you I cried happy tears. Tears of joy for how incredibly lucky I am to have you.

You just had your first Thanksgiving ever. You'll never remember it but I want you to know how special you made it for so many people. Your Aunt Halley & Uncle Grant and Uncle Ben are so in love with you. It's brought us closer together than I ever realized we would be. You'll learn so much from them as you grow and I'm so excited for you. They are such amazing people.

Oh, and your sisters cannot get enough of you. Gabby said she loved you voluntarily for the first time last night and it melted my heart. I knew she did love you and I knew she would tell you in her own time. I'm just so excited I was there to witness it. And Victoria gave you 11 kisses on each cheek, leg and arm because you are now 11 weeks old. She's so thoughtful and caring for you. You'll annoy her in due time, but she'll protect and love you always.

I'll wrap this up now because tears are streaming down my face. Just know that I'll always love you more than I'll ever be able to express. You are my little pumpkin pie and I can't seem to ever get enough of you.

Hugs and kisses!

Love,

Mommy

30 Days of Me

I think I'll do this just for kicks. :)

Day 1 - Introduce yourself, recent picture, 15 interesting facts.
Day 2 - Meaning behind your blog name.
Day 3 - Your first love.
Day 4 - Your parents.
Day 5 - Your favorite recipe.
Day 6 - A picture of something that makes you happy.
Day 7 - Favorite movies.
Day 8 - A place you've traveled to.
Day 9 - A picture of your friends.
Day 10 - Something you're afraid of.
Day 11 - Favorite tv shows.
Day 12 - What you believe.
Day 13 - Goals.
Day 14 - A picture you love.
Day 15 - Bible verse.
Day 16 - Dream house.
Day 17 - Something you're looking forward to.
Day 18 - Something you regret.
Day 19 - Something you miss.
Day 20 - Nicknames.
Day 21 - Picture of yourself.
Day 22 - What's in your makeup bag.
Day 23 - Favorite vacation
Day 24 - Something you've learned.
Day 25 - Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs.
Day 26 - Picture of your family.
Day 27 - Pets.
Day 28 - Something that stresses you out.
Day 29 - 3 Wishes.
Day 30 - Any picture.