One hell of a week

Seriously. The week sucked ass. My weeks start on Tuesdays and it's surprising how quickly I've gotten used to that. Anyhow, Tuesday morning I woke up to a serious migraine. Puking and all. Definitely not fun. So I ended up missing my weekly sales meeting which sucked (and definitely didn't suck in other ways) but my whole week got kicked off to people not minding their own damn business. Tuesday and Wednesday were horrible days at work for me. By Thursday I decided that the people that were getting to me the most, were the people that meant the least.

On top of work, I had a completely breakdown on Wednesday at home too. The whole "just don't belong" thing came to a complete head and I couldn't take it anymore. I ended up yelling at Ryan, which I do feel badly for, but he just wasn't getting it. I kept telling him how I don't feel like I belong in my parent's home and I'm just having a hard time adjusting to any of it and he kept telling me I could go back home. WTF don't you get about it?! I was there! I got treated like shit, I left.

He told me the other day how much he misses me. I told him in response, "I told you that you would." Shitty? Maybe. Truthful? Definitely. I remember one conversation perfectly clear. He flew off the handle about me not folding the laundry in the dryer when it buzzed and letting them sit and get a little wrinkly (something I'm guilty of a lot of times). I told him to chill cause it wasn't that big of a deal and he walked passed the dryer about 6 times and could have stopped to do it (it's in the mudroom off the garage). He told me he does enough around the house and the fight went on from there. I told him plain as day, "You will miss me when I'm gone some day. You will regret every word you are saying and you will really miss me." And now he does.

In one way, I feel almost justified by that. In another way, my heart hurts that he couldn't listen up then.

I'm going to look at apartments next week. Maybe it's too soon, I don't know. But it feels right to me. The idea of being independent and making everything work on my own is what is pulling me that direction. The fact of almost feeling justified in knowing that I can do it on my own and I can be successful and happy and balanced. Another reason for wanting this is to literally have a place that I can feel like it's ok to come and go without inconveniencing my parents or leave the laundry in the dryer a little longer if I want (of course that won't happen with the apartments I can afford on my own. haha! But you get the idea)

As for this weekend - I'm going out tonight! I need to drink off the week and I haven't seen my best friend in forever!