Totally going to come out wrong

But I have to say it. I know the people that read this blog are the ones I'm going to talk about. So please know that my comments that will be following are not directly about you...more about everyone that seems to be surrounding my life right now from my still-in-contact-with high school friends to my family to my new friends to my coworkers etc.

Everyone is getting pregnant and having babies. Everyone. Seriously. And if they aren't, they are trying to or talking about how they are going to start trying to soon. It's hard. I'm supposed to be there right now. I'm supposed to be starting trying to have a baby soon. That was part of the plan. We were going to talk about starting to try after our third year of marriage.

But here I am, sitting alone at 11:30 tonight thinking about all of the conversations I've had with all of the people around me recently about how I'm totally ok with not having kids right now.

Part of that is true and part of that is a fucking lie. It's true that I don't want to be pregnant or have a baby right now because I want to have someone to share that with. Someone that is over the moon happy when I show him that little stick with the little lines. And the part that is a lie is the part where I want to be a mom so bad.

Anyhow, I truly am happy for everyone around me that is pregnant and having a baby. I love all of the little cuties and I can't be happier for those that have been trying for so long to have a baby. But sometimes life just isn't fucking fair.