Catch up

Ok - so it's been awhile since I've updated. Sorry! I've had so much going on in my life. All wonderful things :) Well, mostly all, minus the stupid people here at work. Oh well! So let's update...

I've come to a realization in the past few weeks. See I was emailing my mom about why I couldn't come to work with her because I had another commitment in Pittsburgh in my effort to move my happy ass out there. And she came back with, "I figured you were keeping your search to the Pittsburgh area." And then and there I decided, "Fuck it. You are happy. You know what you want in your life. Why are you so afraid to tell people? Just because you think they will have an opinion on what you are doing with you life? You know best for you. And you know that you know best for you. Just believe in yourself and your decisions and trust your heart and gut and be smart about it. And tell people! They will believe in you and your decisions much more when they realize they aren't snap decisions."

So here we are. I'm moving to Pittsburgh. Yep, just as soon as I can get my happy ass out there! :) Yeah, the whole j.o.b. thing kind of gets in the way with that sometimes. Turns out no one is really hiring for very good positions. Oh well, there is not huge rush I guess.

Oh, and I'm getting married. It's not like we are officially engaged or anything. And quite honestly, we probably won't ever be. I've done the whole proposal, expensive ring thing and it's not all that important to me. I'd much rather put that money toward a house. But yeah, totally talking about getting married! I love this man so much! He makes me so ridiculously happy and we talk about every single thing. He's an amazing father and just a really good person. We are so happy together and it feels so good. Don't worry, it's not a snap decision. It's been well thought out and talked about and all. And it won't be for quite a few months anyhow. The whole living with your spouse thing is slightly important and there is really no super rush with that.

There is also plenty of talk of babies too. Last night we were laying in bed just talking (my absolute favorite thing to do with him) and asking random questions we could think of. Silly ones and serious ones. I asked him what his five year goals are right now. Here is the summary of his response:
Married
Debt paid off
House
4 year old

Yeah, that last one made me smile so hard tears started coming out of my eyes. I have baby fever so bad I need to take Tylenol. Seriously. It's bad. What's even worse is that he does too. We are a bad combination together. haha! I mean, there would be worse things than getting pregnant right now, right? ;) Kidding! We are preventing it. And chances are, it won't be that easy for us either.

I have no idea where I am on things when it comes to my own fertility. I mean, I've been on birth control since I was 15 because of my ovarian cysts. Oh, and the cysts can't be healthy for those egg droppers either. And he knows that his swimmers aren't the most athletic guys either. He and his ex-wife had to go through IUI to have the girls because both of them weren't the most reproductive ready creatures. As dumb as it is, that's been on my mind quite a bit. And we talked it out last night too.

I mean, he's got two kids. Two beautiful, healthy girls. And that very well could be enough for him if I want it to be. And I love those little ladies like they are my very own. But I want to be a mommy too. So I told him I was afraid that if while we are in the middle of our efforts if he would just feel like enough is enough and we've spent enough money and time on it and just be done. His response? (Have I mentioned I love him?) "Babe, I want to do what makes you happy. I want to have a baby with you and share the whole experience of having a child together. I want this almost as badly as you. It's just money. Sure, it can get frustrating, but so what. We'll work through it together, be honest and open with each other and cross those bridges when we come to them. When you say enough, then we'll quit. Until then, let's keep practicing." Sorry, guess I could have left out that last part. haha!




I wasn't supposed to fall in love with him. But I'm so incredibly glad I did.