Journal

So this is going to take a bit of a different turn than I every expected it to. I was looking back through my old posts and I was such a sad person. I was so beat down and hurt and alone that it makes me sad just thinking about it. What a horrible time in my life. But now, I'm so happy I can't even explain it. I may not wake up with a smile every day (because I hate mornings more than anything) but I am happier than I knew even possible. I've realized why pregnant women glow...because they are so freakin happy! haha!

So I think I'm going to journal this journey. Ha! I kinda like that :) This is bound to get quite boring, but from the very beginning this blog has been for me and my thoughts and feelings...so sorry! ;)

So today I'm 4w6d pregnant. Pregnant. Dear God. I just keep saying that word over and over in my head. Yesterday Meghan said the phrase "baby in your tummy" and I about pooped my pants. There is a baby. In *my* tummy. Holy shit! haha! The idea of that is so thrilling and so terrifying all at the same time. I have this horrible fear that something is going to go wrong. It was supposed to be this easy for us to get pregnant. I mean, we were preventing it and we still got knocked up. So it can't possibly go smoothly. Can it?

Right now I feel stupid for having symptoms when three days ago I didn't even know I was pregnant. I guess I was having symptoms then too, I just chalked those up to PMS. My boobs hurt. They always hurt before my period though. But let me tell you I didn't even realize I had nipple until now. They are so painful. My towel ran across them wrong and I thought I would scream. And they are huge. Is that even normal? My nipples are huge! And always hard. I really hope this is normal and I hope even more that it goes away soon. Thank goodness I have a collection of padded bras otherwise I would be quite offensive to everyone.

My stomach just feels weird. When I'm hungry I need to eat. Now. Or I might eat my arm. And I learned that orange juice on an empty stomach in the morning only causes indigestion all day. I've never had heartburn...until now. Is it weird to have it this soon? Maybe that isn't what it was. But it felt so icky right at the bottom of my ribs dead center. And I had little burps all day. So unpleasant.

I have had a serious headache for about 24 hours now. And I know it's a caffeine withdrawal. I've had them before. I had a cup of tea this morning hoping there is a smaller amount of caffeine in there than coffee but still enough to get it to go away. No such luck. And no exedrine to my rescue now.

Shit! What will I do if I get a migraine?! That's what I need to ask the doctor on Friday. I'm starting a list now like WTEWYE told me to. They said that pregnancy brain will kick in sooner than I think it will. Which for me is horrible because my normal brain can't remember 3 minutes ago.

And the tired. Oh the tired. I could sleep all day and still be tired, I just know it. I passed out last night on the couch by 9:30. I felt bad because Rick was being sweet and watching Bachelor with me. But I just couldn't help it. I was so freaking tired. Speaking of, I could totally take a nap right now....There are couches all around this office just mocking me.