Stepmom

I love my girls. I love them more than I could ever tell you in words. I'd give my life for them. To see them sad or upset breaks my heart. To see them happy melts it. But I'm just their stepmom. I'm nothing more and I'm certainly nothing less. It's hard for me to remember that sometimes. Especially the weekends that they get to spend with us. They seem like our girls. Just mine and his. I mean, I know they aren't. Especially when to get my attention they call my first name. But I'm not their mother. I would never want to replace her. They love her so very much. She's the one they cry for sometimes when they are upset. I know that feeling. I have my own momma that I still cry for when I'm sad or hurt.

But even knowing this or remembering it when they are with me doesn't make it easier. Sometimes it's really, really hard. See, I'm not the one that makes the big decisions for their life. I only get to follow through with the decisions that have been made for them by their biological parents. Whether or not I agree with those decisions, they have already been made. I don't get to decide what Victoria does or does not do when it comes to sports. I don't get to decide when Gabby should stop sucking her thumb. I don't get to decide what shots they get at the doctor. I don't even get to decide when they go to the doctor and what doctor they go to. I simply get to follow through. Sounds easy enough, but trust me when I say it's not. It's the hardest thing in the entire world.

Now, I'm not crying woe is me on this. I chose this life. I want this life. I wouldn't trade it. I still get to be something more special to these girls than anyone else will ever understand. It's just that some things are harder than others. And right now is one of those times that I'm having a hard time with it. Guess I just needed to get it off my chest.