All new

That title explains my life. Seriously! haha! Almost everything in it is completely new. And not in a bad way. I actually love change. It keeps me on my toes and helps me always wanting to learn.

I have a new home. I'm not living in North Braddock. And so happy we aren't staying too long. It's just too small for four people to live in. Yes, even though only two of those people live there half the time. We just need more space. I could easily fill that apartment myself. But it's perfect for right now because the rent is so cheap. It will allow us to save money and get some bills paid off before we commit to a mortgage.

I have a new city. Which is obviously correlated to the first new thing. But it's a pretty big deal. I went to college an hour from home, but that was totally different. It was temporary. Always temporary. It was a semester or a summer at a time. This is permanent. And two plus hours away. I have no friends here. Well, no friends of my own. Anyone I'm friends with are because they were friends with Rick first. I'm not so worried about it. I'm a good friend maker. But it can be a little intimidating sometimes.

I have a new family. Well kind of new. But they are more my family now than they had ever been. I'm still learning how to fit in sometimes, but I think that will be true the rest of my life. Especially as milestones come up for the girls.

I have a new job. Which is so far so good. Today is day 4 and I'm still employed so that's good, right? haha! I think it will be good though. I'm actually pretty pumped for it.

And most of all, I have a new attitude. For a long time I hated the world and quite honestly, I feel like I had a little bit of a right to. I know that I created the life I had by choosing the person I did to marry. But you know what? That was false advertising. He was an asshole after we got married, not before. But I'm done with that. Fuck him and what he did to me. I don't wish anything horrible on him but I certainly don't wish him well either. I hope he is unhappy for a little while. My cousin saw him out to dinner with his parents and a girlfriend this weekend. Her explanation of her? "Well she's not exactly cute but she's not beastly." What's that mean? It means she's actually pretty cute but I'm your cousin and friend so I can't tell you that. haha! It's fine. It is. I've got my life and happiness and I don't need him for anything ever again. And that alone makes me happy. :)

Bigger...Better...Brighter...

That's what I'm moving on to. I just accepted a position at an amazing new company! I've been dying to tell someone the great news but for fear of my current job finding out, I haven't said anything anywhere online.

My official new title will be Office Manager at a great advertising agency in Pittsburgh. That's right, I'm moving to the Burgh.

I seriously couldn't be happier. My life is coming together so nicely it's fabulous!

I have so much to do in the next few weeks!

ps - just in case anyone actually still reads this...please don't say anything on Facebook yet because I need to tell all of my brides first.

Thanksgiving

So I'm a little late on this one, but I still wanted to document what I'm thankful for this year. So much has changed in the past year of my life. I have hope where I had completely doubted everything and I feel love I never knew existed for anyone. I see a future with three very special people and I couldn't be more excited for it. My family is happy and healthy and we are all in the best relationships with each other than we've ever been. We have honesty and support for each other. My sister will be marrying the love of her life in about 7 months and I'm so excited for the honor of standing for her on that special day. My brother is doing well in school and has grown into an amazingly caring and sincere young man (so weird! He's my baby brother!). My parents are completely and totally in love with each other after 30 years of ups and downs and highs and lows. I'm completely and utterly happy.

The weirdest thing for me? Accepting that. Not waiting for the floor to fall out from under me. I'll get there, slowly but surely. Then again, maybe it makes me appreciate it all a little bit more. I don't really want to get "used" to having someone completely spoil me, right?

I'm going to steal a few lyrics from Darius Rucker (or for those of us that have a hard time as accepting him as "Best New Artist of the Year", better known as Hootie):

It may be a simple life, but that's okay
If you ask me baby, I think I've got it made
Cause I've got a roof over my head,
the woman I love laying in my bed
And it's alright, alright
I've got shoes under my feet
Forever in her eyes staring back at me
And it's alright, alright
And I've got all I need
And it's alright by me

Trick-Or-Treat!

We took the girls trick-or-treating in my parents' neighborhood and had a blast. It was relatively last minute too. My mom texted me Saturday morning, told me it was on Sunday and asked if we wanted to take the kids. I said sure and she said, "Good! Your sister and I are already looking for costumes for them!" haha! And this is the cuteness that happened from there :) Oh yeah, and she totally referenced them as "her granddaughters" at one point too. It felt so good!

Our little hunter, our big hunter (my sister) and our little fairy princess (who refused to take the Teddy Graham out of her mouth)

Questions answered:

Yes, Jill, he does have bad qualities as well. He's paying for some financial decisions that weren't the brightest right now. When he found out his wife was cheating on him and leaving him, he went crazy. Basically stopped working and started making some pretty bad decisions. Which is actually funny considering he was a financial planner. He is definitely not disciplined when it comes to money. That's probably his worst quality.

He isn't very patient. And he has this incredible way of tuning out the girls. We can be riding in the car and they will be talking to him and calling his name and asking him questions for a solid 5 minutes and he won't even hear them. It amazes me. And drives me so crazy that I end up saying, "Please, just freakin answer them!" haha!

He is a crackberry addict. He makes fun of me for my addiction to it, but his is just as bad. He just blames it on work but he checks it just as often.

Here is the funny thing though - I don't care. I know there are things that will be infuriating and we will absolutely fight about things. I chalk a lot of it up to us both being married before. Neither of us were perfect spouses and we know it. There are things we could have both worked on. And neither of us want to make the same mistake twice.

He opens my car door and every other door for me every single time. In fact, the other night I met my parents for dinner and when we came out my dad opened my mom's car door. She half chuckled and said, "Looks like Rick has been a positive influence on everyone." (On a side note, my dad has always been that sweet and thoughtful and always opened her door. Sometimes he just gets a little forgetful.) He truly and genuinely cares about my feelings. He takes care of me when I'm sick. He touches me all the time. Small touches that absolutely send chills up my spine. He kisses me sweetly. I still get butterflies when he is simply coming home from work to me. He isn't afraid to tell me exactly how he's feeling at any given moment.

One time he told me that his favorite thing about us is the fact that we can look at each other across the room for only a split second and know that we both love each other more than anything but we don't have to say a single word and we don't care if anyone else knows or notices. I honestly didn't know that kind of love even existed.

Catch up

Ok - so it's been awhile since I've updated. Sorry! I've had so much going on in my life. All wonderful things :) Well, mostly all, minus the stupid people here at work. Oh well! So let's update...

I've come to a realization in the past few weeks. See I was emailing my mom about why I couldn't come to work with her because I had another commitment in Pittsburgh in my effort to move my happy ass out there. And she came back with, "I figured you were keeping your search to the Pittsburgh area." And then and there I decided, "Fuck it. You are happy. You know what you want in your life. Why are you so afraid to tell people? Just because you think they will have an opinion on what you are doing with you life? You know best for you. And you know that you know best for you. Just believe in yourself and your decisions and trust your heart and gut and be smart about it. And tell people! They will believe in you and your decisions much more when they realize they aren't snap decisions."

So here we are. I'm moving to Pittsburgh. Yep, just as soon as I can get my happy ass out there! :) Yeah, the whole j.o.b. thing kind of gets in the way with that sometimes. Turns out no one is really hiring for very good positions. Oh well, there is not huge rush I guess.

Oh, and I'm getting married. It's not like we are officially engaged or anything. And quite honestly, we probably won't ever be. I've done the whole proposal, expensive ring thing and it's not all that important to me. I'd much rather put that money toward a house. But yeah, totally talking about getting married! I love this man so much! He makes me so ridiculously happy and we talk about every single thing. He's an amazing father and just a really good person. We are so happy together and it feels so good. Don't worry, it's not a snap decision. It's been well thought out and talked about and all. And it won't be for quite a few months anyhow. The whole living with your spouse thing is slightly important and there is really no super rush with that.

There is also plenty of talk of babies too. Last night we were laying in bed just talking (my absolute favorite thing to do with him) and asking random questions we could think of. Silly ones and serious ones. I asked him what his five year goals are right now. Here is the summary of his response:
Married
Debt paid off
House
4 year old

Yeah, that last one made me smile so hard tears started coming out of my eyes. I have baby fever so bad I need to take Tylenol. Seriously. It's bad. What's even worse is that he does too. We are a bad combination together. haha! I mean, there would be worse things than getting pregnant right now, right? ;) Kidding! We are preventing it. And chances are, it won't be that easy for us either.

I have no idea where I am on things when it comes to my own fertility. I mean, I've been on birth control since I was 15 because of my ovarian cysts. Oh, and the cysts can't be healthy for those egg droppers either. And he knows that his swimmers aren't the most athletic guys either. He and his ex-wife had to go through IUI to have the girls because both of them weren't the most reproductive ready creatures. As dumb as it is, that's been on my mind quite a bit. And we talked it out last night too.

I mean, he's got two kids. Two beautiful, healthy girls. And that very well could be enough for him if I want it to be. And I love those little ladies like they are my very own. But I want to be a mommy too. So I told him I was afraid that if while we are in the middle of our efforts if he would just feel like enough is enough and we've spent enough money and time on it and just be done. His response? (Have I mentioned I love him?) "Babe, I want to do what makes you happy. I want to have a baby with you and share the whole experience of having a child together. I want this almost as badly as you. It's just money. Sure, it can get frustrating, but so what. We'll work through it together, be honest and open with each other and cross those bridges when we come to them. When you say enough, then we'll quit. Until then, let's keep practicing." Sorry, guess I could have left out that last part. haha!




I wasn't supposed to fall in love with him. But I'm so incredibly glad I did.

Melt your heart

So I walked into Rick's house the other day and this photo was sitting on his counter in a frame just waiting for me. And it melted my heart instantly. I just love it :)