Too much pressure

So I've figured it out. I've figured out why my birthdays always suck. I put too much pressure on them. Plain and simple. I expect too much out of them and expect them to be wonderful. Let's look back at my past 4ish birthdays:

21st - Sucked. Sucked. Sucked. I was soooo sick. I had the flu and the worst migraine I've ever had in my entire life (and I've had some bad ones). My family headed out to my school to take me to my birthday dinner. I could barely sit up in the seat. We went to Applebee's and my mom was sweet enough to order me something tall and fruity and deliciously alcoholic. I couldn't even take a full sip of it. I was so drugged up and so sick that I didn't even take a bite of food either. I called my mom the next morning and told her I wished I felt like shit because I was so hungover from an amazing bash and not because I was so damn sick.

22nd - I don't want to even get into this birthday. Just trust me, it sucked more than any and all of the others I can ever explain.

23rd - See, I was newly married and all excited to have a great night out with my new husband and a group of our friends and family. Turns out though, he had to be out of town on business. That's ok, I'll just celebrate with my friends that I was planning on doing anyhow. But did that happen, you ask? Nope! Everyone's plans changed. I don't even know what I ended up doing honestly. I blocked it from my memory.

24th - My life was shitty at this point. I was completely and utterly unhappily married and miserable. He was going out of town and it was finally a safe time for me to move out and make a point to him that he needs to shape up or ship out. Well, as I was packing and moving he called and we talked and I read the letter I was planning on leaving and we had a serious heart-to-heart and laid it all out on the line. The long and the short is that he admitted he was beeing a doo-doo head and agreed to change. Soooo...I was determined this was going to be the best birthday weekend ever still. My cousin and I were going down to Columbus to go to the game and have an entire weekend of shopping and eating and drinking. And we were going to get our tatoos that we forever wanted. Well, the game was fun, the drinking and eating were pretty fun but wouldn't you know, I got another f'ing migraine! And of course, it was on the day we were supposed to get our tattoos. And the thought of a needle piercing my skin thousands of time is intimidating enough when you don't have a hundred-million pound vice squeezing your head and you are puking your guts out because of it. This was all the weekend before my birthday. And on my actual birthday I was going to go out with a group of friends and have some drinks and celebrate. Oh, and have I mentioned Ryan was out of town this whole time? So my birthday came and a friend of mine was coming in town to go out with us and was just going to stay at my house. Well, surprise! She brought her girlfriend. Yep, my newly lesbian friend brought her girlfriend. Fine, whatever. I like her girlfriend so it's not that big of a deal. Well it wouldn't have been. Except the fact that they were ALL over each other at the bar the whole time. And don't think I'm against them as a couple or anything, I'm against any couple that can't keep their hands to their fucking self in public places. And I don't mean a little butt groping or anything. No. I'm talking full out feeling each other up. So we get home and they get all freaky with each other and are fucking loud. All damn night. I get about 4 hours of sleep and make it to work just a wee bit cranky.

25th - Well, this is supposed to be my 'golden year' or my 'balanced birthday' cause I'm turning 25 on the 25th. We'll see. I'm seriously doubting it's going to be even half way decent. I'm living at my parents (not like it would matter even if I was at home and happily married, Ryan is going to be out of town anyhow) and going through the shittiest time of my life on my marriage aspect. I have to work on my birthday, and not just work, I have a wedding which means I can't even get out at 6ish and still have a great night. Now, the good news is that it's an early one so I'll be out of here by about 9, but still. And then, I was planning on going out after with a big group of friend. Well, I just found out yesterday that 3 of them won't be there. And my cousin/best friend is going to be out of town as well. I don't know what it is exactly I need to have happen in order to feel like it will be a great birthday, I guess I'm just hoping for too much.

p.s. - for those of you that were curious...the text secret thing I was talking about is a blog. mytextsecret.blogspot.com (I think)

p.s.s. - I know this entire blog is me bitching and sounding like a little kid. But I have to admit that I totally take birthdays way more serious than I should. I've always been the kind of person to go WAY above and beyond for all of my friends to make sure they have a fantastic time

p.p.s. - I never know if it should be 2-p's or 2-s's after the first p.s. What does p.s. stand for anyhow?