We were taken o'er so intense
With no time to act, it made no sense
We both tried to stop but could not hide
The burn we had so deep inside.
I wanna run
I wanna hide let me go deep down inside
Not the bod in my eyes in my soul just let it go
Feel the heat see the flash love consumes but does it last
Hold it close don't let it go
Do for you
I you own
The more you fear, the less you live
The more you run, the more I’ll give
The less you play, the more we'll win
The less you hide, the best we'll live
Now you try to walk away, yeah so far away
Cuz you're so afraid of feeling pain
But if you are all walled from all that's bad
Then you’ll miss all the good you should've had
I wanna run
I wanna hide let me go deep down inside
Not the bod in my eyes in my soul just let it go
Feel the heat see the flash love consumes but does it last
Hold it close don't let it go
Do for you
I you own
The more you fear, the less you live
The more you run, the more I’ll give
The less you play, the more we'll win
The less you hide, the best we'll live
As of now though I don't know no I don't know
How this little play is gonna go
I won't take anything of you for free
So please don't wall yourself from me
I wanna run
I wanna hide let me go deep down inside
Not the bod in my eyes in my soul just let it go
Feel the heat see the flash love consumes but does it last
Hold it close don't let it go
Do for you
I you own
The more you fear, the less you live
The more you run, the more I’ll give
The less you play, the more we'll win
The less you hide, the best we'll live
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Too much pressure
So I've figured it out. I've figured out why my birthdays always suck. I put too much pressure on them. Plain and simple. I expect too much out of them and expect them to be wonderful. Let's look back at my past 4ish birthdays:
21st - Sucked. Sucked. Sucked. I was soooo sick. I had the flu and the worst migraine I've ever had in my entire life (and I've had some bad ones). My family headed out to my school to take me to my birthday dinner. I could barely sit up in the seat. We went to Applebee's and my mom was sweet enough to order me something tall and fruity and deliciously alcoholic. I couldn't even take a full sip of it. I was so drugged up and so sick that I didn't even take a bite of food either. I called my mom the next morning and told her I wished I felt like shit because I was so hungover from an amazing bash and not because I was so damn sick.
22nd - I don't want to even get into this birthday. Just trust me, it sucked more than any and all of the others I can ever explain.
23rd - See, I was newly married and all excited to have a great night out with my new husband and a group of our friends and family. Turns out though, he had to be out of town on business. That's ok, I'll just celebrate with my friends that I was planning on doing anyhow. But did that happen, you ask? Nope! Everyone's plans changed. I don't even know what I ended up doing honestly. I blocked it from my memory.
24th - My life was shitty at this point. I was completely and utterly unhappily married and miserable. He was going out of town and it was finally a safe time for me to move out and make a point to him that he needs to shape up or ship out. Well, as I was packing and moving he called and we talked and I read the letter I was planning on leaving and we had a serious heart-to-heart and laid it all out on the line. The long and the short is that he admitted he was beeing a doo-doo head and agreed to change. Soooo...I was determined this was going to be the best birthday weekend ever still. My cousin and I were going down to Columbus to go to the game and have an entire weekend of shopping and eating and drinking. And we were going to get our tatoos that we forever wanted. Well, the game was fun, the drinking and eating were pretty fun but wouldn't you know, I got another f'ing migraine! And of course, it was on the day we were supposed to get our tattoos. And the thought of a needle piercing my skin thousands of time is intimidating enough when you don't have a hundred-million pound vice squeezing your head and you are puking your guts out because of it. This was all the weekend before my birthday. And on my actual birthday I was going to go out with a group of friends and have some drinks and celebrate. Oh, and have I mentioned Ryan was out of town this whole time? So my birthday came and a friend of mine was coming in town to go out with us and was just going to stay at my house. Well, surprise! She brought her girlfriend. Yep, my newly lesbian friend brought her girlfriend. Fine, whatever. I like her girlfriend so it's not that big of a deal. Well it wouldn't have been. Except the fact that they were ALL over each other at the bar the whole time. And don't think I'm against them as a couple or anything, I'm against any couple that can't keep their hands to their fucking self in public places. And I don't mean a little butt groping or anything. No. I'm talking full out feeling each other up. So we get home and they get all freaky with each other and are fucking loud. All damn night. I get about 4 hours of sleep and make it to work just a wee bit cranky.
25th - Well, this is supposed to be my 'golden year' or my 'balanced birthday' cause I'm turning 25 on the 25th. We'll see. I'm seriously doubting it's going to be even half way decent. I'm living at my parents (not like it would matter even if I was at home and happily married, Ryan is going to be out of town anyhow) and going through the shittiest time of my life on my marriage aspect. I have to work on my birthday, and not just work, I have a wedding which means I can't even get out at 6ish and still have a great night. Now, the good news is that it's an early one so I'll be out of here by about 9, but still. And then, I was planning on going out after with a big group of friend. Well, I just found out yesterday that 3 of them won't be there. And my cousin/best friend is going to be out of town as well. I don't know what it is exactly I need to have happen in order to feel like it will be a great birthday, I guess I'm just hoping for too much.
p.s. - for those of you that were curious...the text secret thing I was talking about is a blog. mytextsecret.blogspot.com (I think)
p.s.s. - I know this entire blog is me bitching and sounding like a little kid. But I have to admit that I totally take birthdays way more serious than I should. I've always been the kind of person to go WAY above and beyond for all of my friends to make sure they have a fantastic time
p.p.s. - I never know if it should be 2-p's or 2-s's after the first p.s. What does p.s. stand for anyhow?
21st - Sucked. Sucked. Sucked. I was soooo sick. I had the flu and the worst migraine I've ever had in my entire life (and I've had some bad ones). My family headed out to my school to take me to my birthday dinner. I could barely sit up in the seat. We went to Applebee's and my mom was sweet enough to order me something tall and fruity and deliciously alcoholic. I couldn't even take a full sip of it. I was so drugged up and so sick that I didn't even take a bite of food either. I called my mom the next morning and told her I wished I felt like shit because I was so hungover from an amazing bash and not because I was so damn sick.
22nd - I don't want to even get into this birthday. Just trust me, it sucked more than any and all of the others I can ever explain.
23rd - See, I was newly married and all excited to have a great night out with my new husband and a group of our friends and family. Turns out though, he had to be out of town on business. That's ok, I'll just celebrate with my friends that I was planning on doing anyhow. But did that happen, you ask? Nope! Everyone's plans changed. I don't even know what I ended up doing honestly. I blocked it from my memory.
24th - My life was shitty at this point. I was completely and utterly unhappily married and miserable. He was going out of town and it was finally a safe time for me to move out and make a point to him that he needs to shape up or ship out. Well, as I was packing and moving he called and we talked and I read the letter I was planning on leaving and we had a serious heart-to-heart and laid it all out on the line. The long and the short is that he admitted he was beeing a doo-doo head and agreed to change. Soooo...I was determined this was going to be the best birthday weekend ever still. My cousin and I were going down to Columbus to go to the game and have an entire weekend of shopping and eating and drinking. And we were going to get our tatoos that we forever wanted. Well, the game was fun, the drinking and eating were pretty fun but wouldn't you know, I got another f'ing migraine! And of course, it was on the day we were supposed to get our tattoos. And the thought of a needle piercing my skin thousands of time is intimidating enough when you don't have a hundred-million pound vice squeezing your head and you are puking your guts out because of it. This was all the weekend before my birthday. And on my actual birthday I was going to go out with a group of friends and have some drinks and celebrate. Oh, and have I mentioned Ryan was out of town this whole time? So my birthday came and a friend of mine was coming in town to go out with us and was just going to stay at my house. Well, surprise! She brought her girlfriend. Yep, my newly lesbian friend brought her girlfriend. Fine, whatever. I like her girlfriend so it's not that big of a deal. Well it wouldn't have been. Except the fact that they were ALL over each other at the bar the whole time. And don't think I'm against them as a couple or anything, I'm against any couple that can't keep their hands to their fucking self in public places. And I don't mean a little butt groping or anything. No. I'm talking full out feeling each other up. So we get home and they get all freaky with each other and are fucking loud. All damn night. I get about 4 hours of sleep and make it to work just a wee bit cranky.
25th - Well, this is supposed to be my 'golden year' or my 'balanced birthday' cause I'm turning 25 on the 25th. We'll see. I'm seriously doubting it's going to be even half way decent. I'm living at my parents (not like it would matter even if I was at home and happily married, Ryan is going to be out of town anyhow) and going through the shittiest time of my life on my marriage aspect. I have to work on my birthday, and not just work, I have a wedding which means I can't even get out at 6ish and still have a great night. Now, the good news is that it's an early one so I'll be out of here by about 9, but still. And then, I was planning on going out after with a big group of friend. Well, I just found out yesterday that 3 of them won't be there. And my cousin/best friend is going to be out of town as well. I don't know what it is exactly I need to have happen in order to feel like it will be a great birthday, I guess I'm just hoping for too much.
p.s. - for those of you that were curious...the text secret thing I was talking about is a blog. mytextsecret.blogspot.com (I think)
p.s.s. - I know this entire blog is me bitching and sounding like a little kid. But I have to admit that I totally take birthdays way more serious than I should. I've always been the kind of person to go WAY above and beyond for all of my friends to make sure they have a fantastic time
p.p.s. - I never know if it should be 2-p's or 2-s's after the first p.s. What does p.s. stand for anyhow?
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Secrets
I have a serious obsession with postsecret. I seriously can't get enough of it. I guess it's because I have secrets I would like to share. The funny thing about the secrets people share are that they, on some level, would love for them to be found out. Otherwise they wouldn't mail them to a perfect stranger to have the entire internet read them. I found another website that is similar and I wasted a good bit of my sleep time last night reading it. And for some unknown reason at 2:43am I did it, I texted that perfect stranger. Why? Not sure. I want my secret to be found out on some level. I know I do. I've always been the kind of person that has secrets and yet wants them to not be secrets. Like in my mind I have this idea that the secret I'm currently holding will be the one that will unlock the amazing fairytale part of my life. That's the secret I sent. The secret that will unlock that part of my life. Because I know the person I wrote it about will happen to be on that website after it's posted reading the completely anonymous texts and come across mine and know I'm talking about them and call me and we will talk and catch up after 4 years and everything will be perfect and we'll be best friends again.
Delusional much?
Delusional much?
Friday, October 10, 2008
Daily Quote
Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.
— Gloria Steinem
— Gloria Steinem
Thursday, October 9, 2008
AM.NOT.TWELVE
Seriously, I'm not 12 years old anymore. Just because I went to the New Kids concert last week does not mean I'm going backwards in age. My face is ridiculously broken out right now. Like I can pretty much connect the dots right now. I'm sure it's just because of stress cause I'm busy with work and still dealing a lot with the home situation, but come-freakin-on!
On another note, I'm extending my resume. Yep, on Monday I was a DJ. Not too shabby either. I'm not so fond of the talking and making announcements part of it, but the changing songs thing I've got down. haha! And I've just gotten asked to be a photographer for the second time. Good times.
On another note, I'm extending my resume. Yep, on Monday I was a DJ. Not too shabby either. I'm not so fond of the talking and making announcements part of it, but the changing songs thing I've got down. haha! And I've just gotten asked to be a photographer for the second time. Good times.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Drowning
I'm drowning in my thoughts and feelings and fears and hopes and dreams and skepticism and optimism.
Yeah, I think that covers it all.
Yeah, I think that covers it all.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
So tired...
I'm so tired today. Last night I couldn't sleep at all. I was up until freakin 3am and then I work back up about 5:30 and couldn't fall back into a deep sleep at all. It sucked. So now today I'm draggin ass. And I've got a hair appointment right after work and then Zumba right after that. If I don't sleep tonight it'll be a miracle. Or a crying shame. Guess we'll see.
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