Fantastic Weekend!!

I had an *amazing* weekend! It all started on Thursday. We had the Glenn Miller Orchestra at work on Tuesday and the group invited me to come see them perform on Thursday in Akron. I was excited because it would be a fun night out so I went. After the concert they had a cocktail reception and it was fun hanging out with them. They are a great group of guys. :) I ended up staying out pretty late with that so Friday morning I was completely dragging at work. But that's ok cause it was definitely worth it.

Friday after work Mom and Dad wanted to take me to dinner for my birthday. Ryan wanted to take me as well so I suggested all going together. Not only that, but it was a way for me to not have to do dinner exclusive with Ryan (horribly mean? maybe. over it? definitely). After dinner Mom and Dad had a social dance at their dance studio (they've been taking ballroom dancing) and they offered for me to go and watch. I, being the generous sucker I am, also asked Ryan if he would like to go. Mistake. Because when we got there he started acting like a stupid little baby. We were offered to participate in the dancing and learn a little bit as we went along. He started ranting and whining about how I knew this the whole time and I set him up and I should know better because I know how much he doesn't like dancing and blah blah fucking blah. I was so pissed and so annoyed. I just ignored him almost the entire rest of the time. I'm so over that. He then had the nerve to tell me he had a good time and asked if I wanted to go get coffee or a drink after. Um, no fucktard.
So when I got home he called and we started fighting about it more. I informed him it's my birthday and I'm leaving it drama free and when he decides to grow up, I'll talk to him.

So I moved on from that not letting it ruin my weekend. Saturday morning I had a nail appointment cause Ron wanted to make sure I looked perfect for my birthday. haha! He's so sweet :) What's better than having your nail guy as your friend? Then I grabbed Panera with a friend for breakfast and headed into the office. My wedding went perfect that day! Everything went smoothly and everyone was happy. And it was an early night! The bar closed by 10 so I was able to get out of there by 9. it was great! I headed out of work, changed into a cute birthday outfit and went out. A group of my friends were at 7 Martini watching the game so I went there. Unfortunately the Bucks lost, but I can't control everything on my birthday! haha! A few more of my friends trickled in throughout the night and it was a great time! There was dancing and drinking and laughing and overall good fun. There were a few small random drama things, but nothing to ruin the night overall. After bar close we decided to head over to Steak and Shake for some good, greasy food. Unfortunately they sucked bad. So we rolled on over to iHop. Which was a great idea, until someone in our group went through a light a little too orange (that's what you say when you know it's red when you are going through but you think it should still be considered yellow. haha) She only got a traffic violation, but it still sucked for her night. After some french toast and bacon (yep, I'm healthy) I headed home.

Sunday I enjoyed a cookout with friends and then a haunted house. Let me just tell you how awesome the new Factory of Terror is. It was such a fun time! Seriously!

Anyhow, I would definitely say this birthday made up for all the past ones. I smiled and laughed and had a fantastic time the whole weekend!

Senior Advice

We were taken o'er so intense
With no time to act, it made no sense
We both tried to stop but could not hide
The burn we had so deep inside.

I wanna run
I wanna hide let me go deep down inside
Not the bod in my eyes in my soul just let it go
Feel the heat see the flash love consumes but does it last
Hold it close don't let it go
Do for you
I you own

The more you fear, the less you live
The more you run, the more I’ll give
The less you play, the more we'll win
The less you hide, the best we'll live

Now you try to walk away, yeah so far away
Cuz you're so afraid of feeling pain
But if you are all walled from all that's bad
Then you’ll miss all the good you should've had

I wanna run
I wanna hide let me go deep down inside
Not the bod in my eyes in my soul just let it go
Feel the heat see the flash love consumes but does it last
Hold it close don't let it go
Do for you
I you own

The more you fear, the less you live
The more you run, the more I’ll give
The less you play, the more we'll win
The less you hide, the best we'll live

As of now though I don't know no I don't know
How this little play is gonna go
I won't take anything of you for free
So please don't wall yourself from me

I wanna run
I wanna hide let me go deep down inside
Not the bod in my eyes in my soul just let it go
Feel the heat see the flash love consumes but does it last
Hold it close don't let it go
Do for you
I you own

The more you fear, the less you live
The more you run, the more I’ll give
The less you play, the more we'll win
The less you hide, the best we'll live

Too much pressure

So I've figured it out. I've figured out why my birthdays always suck. I put too much pressure on them. Plain and simple. I expect too much out of them and expect them to be wonderful. Let's look back at my past 4ish birthdays:

21st - Sucked. Sucked. Sucked. I was soooo sick. I had the flu and the worst migraine I've ever had in my entire life (and I've had some bad ones). My family headed out to my school to take me to my birthday dinner. I could barely sit up in the seat. We went to Applebee's and my mom was sweet enough to order me something tall and fruity and deliciously alcoholic. I couldn't even take a full sip of it. I was so drugged up and so sick that I didn't even take a bite of food either. I called my mom the next morning and told her I wished I felt like shit because I was so hungover from an amazing bash and not because I was so damn sick.

22nd - I don't want to even get into this birthday. Just trust me, it sucked more than any and all of the others I can ever explain.

23rd - See, I was newly married and all excited to have a great night out with my new husband and a group of our friends and family. Turns out though, he had to be out of town on business. That's ok, I'll just celebrate with my friends that I was planning on doing anyhow. But did that happen, you ask? Nope! Everyone's plans changed. I don't even know what I ended up doing honestly. I blocked it from my memory.

24th - My life was shitty at this point. I was completely and utterly unhappily married and miserable. He was going out of town and it was finally a safe time for me to move out and make a point to him that he needs to shape up or ship out. Well, as I was packing and moving he called and we talked and I read the letter I was planning on leaving and we had a serious heart-to-heart and laid it all out on the line. The long and the short is that he admitted he was beeing a doo-doo head and agreed to change. Soooo...I was determined this was going to be the best birthday weekend ever still. My cousin and I were going down to Columbus to go to the game and have an entire weekend of shopping and eating and drinking. And we were going to get our tatoos that we forever wanted. Well, the game was fun, the drinking and eating were pretty fun but wouldn't you know, I got another f'ing migraine! And of course, it was on the day we were supposed to get our tattoos. And the thought of a needle piercing my skin thousands of time is intimidating enough when you don't have a hundred-million pound vice squeezing your head and you are puking your guts out because of it. This was all the weekend before my birthday. And on my actual birthday I was going to go out with a group of friends and have some drinks and celebrate. Oh, and have I mentioned Ryan was out of town this whole time? So my birthday came and a friend of mine was coming in town to go out with us and was just going to stay at my house. Well, surprise! She brought her girlfriend. Yep, my newly lesbian friend brought her girlfriend. Fine, whatever. I like her girlfriend so it's not that big of a deal. Well it wouldn't have been. Except the fact that they were ALL over each other at the bar the whole time. And don't think I'm against them as a couple or anything, I'm against any couple that can't keep their hands to their fucking self in public places. And I don't mean a little butt groping or anything. No. I'm talking full out feeling each other up. So we get home and they get all freaky with each other and are fucking loud. All damn night. I get about 4 hours of sleep and make it to work just a wee bit cranky.

25th - Well, this is supposed to be my 'golden year' or my 'balanced birthday' cause I'm turning 25 on the 25th. We'll see. I'm seriously doubting it's going to be even half way decent. I'm living at my parents (not like it would matter even if I was at home and happily married, Ryan is going to be out of town anyhow) and going through the shittiest time of my life on my marriage aspect. I have to work on my birthday, and not just work, I have a wedding which means I can't even get out at 6ish and still have a great night. Now, the good news is that it's an early one so I'll be out of here by about 9, but still. And then, I was planning on going out after with a big group of friend. Well, I just found out yesterday that 3 of them won't be there. And my cousin/best friend is going to be out of town as well. I don't know what it is exactly I need to have happen in order to feel like it will be a great birthday, I guess I'm just hoping for too much.

p.s. - for those of you that were curious...the text secret thing I was talking about is a blog. mytextsecret.blogspot.com (I think)

p.s.s. - I know this entire blog is me bitching and sounding like a little kid. But I have to admit that I totally take birthdays way more serious than I should. I've always been the kind of person to go WAY above and beyond for all of my friends to make sure they have a fantastic time

p.p.s. - I never know if it should be 2-p's or 2-s's after the first p.s. What does p.s. stand for anyhow?

Secrets

I have a serious obsession with postsecret. I seriously can't get enough of it. I guess it's because I have secrets I would like to share. The funny thing about the secrets people share are that they, on some level, would love for them to be found out. Otherwise they wouldn't mail them to a perfect stranger to have the entire internet read them. I found another website that is similar and I wasted a good bit of my sleep time last night reading it. And for some unknown reason at 2:43am I did it, I texted that perfect stranger. Why? Not sure. I want my secret to be found out on some level. I know I do. I've always been the kind of person that has secrets and yet wants them to not be secrets. Like in my mind I have this idea that the secret I'm currently holding will be the one that will unlock the amazing fairytale part of my life. That's the secret I sent. The secret that will unlock that part of my life. Because I know the person I wrote it about will happen to be on that website after it's posted reading the completely anonymous texts and come across mine and know I'm talking about them and call me and we will talk and catch up after 4 years and everything will be perfect and we'll be best friends again.

Delusional much?

Daily Quote

Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.
— Gloria Steinem

AM.NOT.TWELVE

Seriously, I'm not 12 years old anymore. Just because I went to the New Kids concert last week does not mean I'm going backwards in age. My face is ridiculously broken out right now. Like I can pretty much connect the dots right now. I'm sure it's just because of stress cause I'm busy with work and still dealing a lot with the home situation, but come-freakin-on!

On another note, I'm extending my resume. Yep, on Monday I was a DJ. Not too shabby either. I'm not so fond of the talking and making announcements part of it, but the changing songs thing I've got down. haha! And I've just gotten asked to be a photographer for the second time. Good times.

Drowning

I'm drowning in my thoughts and feelings and fears and hopes and dreams and skepticism and optimism.


Yeah, I think that covers it all.