800 things

I hate when I have 800 things running through my brain at all the same time. I'll jot a few out here:

1- Joey's shower is Saturday and I'm scared shitless that I've forgotten something huge and super important!
2- She sent me her invitation stuff and I'm nervous that the comments I sent back sound mean or something
3- I hate my job a lot of days. I really shouldn't becuase it's pretty easy and laid back, but all I want to do is plan a wedding and get paid for it and that consumes my mind most days.
4- While I do feel bad for people who cannot conceive a baby and I know that I have absolutely no comprehension of what they are going through, I sometimes wish that they would take a step back and see what the rest of us see. And no, I'm not one that thinks they should just give up and adopt or just relax or any of that non-sensicle bullshit. I want them to remember what it was like before they were struggling with this. That when they offered their ((hugs)) and the best words they could muster, that they truly did it out of respect and genuine concern. And while we understand that words will never be enough for the pain and anger they are feeling, we don't know what else to do to help. Whew, that one was bothering me bad.
5- I finished my first 3 miles of my training schedule last night for my 60 mile walk in August. It felt good. It felt good mostly because Ryan was discouraging me from accomplishing it but I did it anyhow. It felt damn good actually. And it's only the beginning.
6- Just be happy for me. That's all I really want to tell some people. Ok, just one. That's all I want to tell Ryan. Just be happy and proud of me. I'm sure he had to have told me at some point that he was proud of me. But all I ever remember is the disappointment he has in me and my actions. That's hard and frustrating.
7- I just want to blend in some days. I just want to be one of the crowd instead of the one who solves the problems and always has to find the solution
8- I may have already said this (yes, I'm lazy enough to not go back and look) but I'm nervous for today. It's my first day to the therapist and I'm seriously nervous. I think I'm mostly nervous for Ryan's reaction when he finds out I went.

So I know I only listed 8, but trust me, there are 792 other things going through this stupid little brain of mine right now. But that's all I could think of. The only way I can keep my life straight is through lists. In fact, I have 5 different lists for Joey's shower on Saturday alone. 5. Ridic.