Random Thoughts

It's probably partly because I'm sick and partly just cause I'm scatterbrained - but today is one of those days that I've got a lot going through my mind...so I'll jot them down here:

- I've always taken issue with people that don't like me when they don't know my whole story. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors or maybe what has happened in your past so how can they really, fully judge you? I know perfectly well that it's human nature and that these things happen. But when I found out that Ryan's brother and his fiance are angry at me for how I've handled things, I was truly upset and hurt by the whole thing. I know that he's their brother and it's only human nature and that my family is the same way, but how they've handled things have hurt me. I gave them 8 tickets to a bridal show this past October. They are getting married in 2010 and I've been helping plan as much as possible or as much as they'll let me. I didn't see them at the show so I figured that meant they decided to go to the Cleveland one the week after instead. Boy, was I wrong. They were there, they saw me from afar and never came up to say hi. They said they didn't know what to say to me. Maybe they could have said thank you? Thanks for saving us $80 to come to this. Sometimes, things like that make this a little bit easier. I know for a fact that not a single person from my family would ever do something like that to any of them. Shit like that hurts.

- I'm going to legally change my name. I'm going back to the identity that I assumed and absolutely loved for 22 years. But I'm going to keep my current name at work. I'm a bridal coordinator and even though most people would think it's really not a big deal for a bridal coordinator to be divorced as long as she can throw a kick-ass event, you'd be completely wrong. People think that what happens in your personal life completely affects what happens in your professional life. Now, I know they intertwine much more than they should, but let's be honest people. Sometimes I'd like to shake those particular brides (or mothers because they tend to be worse about it) and say, "This is just another wedding. Your day will come and go and won't mean a gosh darn thing to me while I'm sitting in court finalizing my divorce" haha! Of course that's horribly harsh and honestly not how I feel about weddings. If it was, I wouldn't be employed in this position. I truly love the weddings I do and really bond with so many of the girls. They just don't always realize that I can put together an amazing event for them and not have it be affected by whether or not I'm wearing a wedding band. Which, by the way, will also remain on my finger. It's also easier to ward off the drunk groomsmen when I can tell them I'm married. hehe

- I've decided where I want to move. I've always wanted Chicago. And I do love that windy city. But I know that if I complain about the weather here, I'll only have 3 times as much to complain about there. I need hot. But I still need somewhere with seasons. I have family on the west coast and while I love it, the cost of living is definitely way higher than it is here. So I think I've found the perfect location. It's hot in the summer, warm in the winter but there are definitely still seasons. It's on the coast which means plenty of beach time. The cost of living is very reasonable. It's not a horribly touristy area. There is definitely potential for growth and opportunity. It's a quick plane ride back to Ohio but drivable if necessary. It's Charleston, South Carolina. Don't worry, I'll make sure I've got a place for you to crash when you come visit :)

- My friends are amazing. I've got a group of friends that I've made since I've started working here that are awesome people. They've completely taken me in and made me feel like one of the crew. I know that they would truly have my back too. If I ever needed anything I could guarantee they'd be there to help in an instant. In these said group of friends, I have a slight embarrassing confession: they make me feel really good. They are always complimenting me not only on my looks but on my personality as well. I've always admitted that girls like to be checked out. Any girl will deny that, but every girl wants it. We like to feel desirable. And quite honestly, in the past 2ish years I haven't felt that way at all. I have felt ugly and rejected. And yes, MO, I know your warning about a certain someone here. Don't worry...it won't get too serious ;) hahaha!

- I need to find someone to take Max. My poor monkey. I want to keep him more than anything, but it's just not going to work. I work a ton of hours, especially during the summer. It's not that I couldn't make it work somehow, but it's honestly not fair to him. He needs room to run and play. He *loves* running. My parents have a decent sized back yard and everytime he goes outside he sprints off the deck and around the whole perimiter or the fence at least 5 times. And he is so fast! Where I can afford to live and will be able to live around here will not have the space for him that he needs. He is such a lover and an amazingly sweet boy. He loves cuddling and is extremely protective over me. He is a huge scardy cat and afraid of everything, especially new people. But if he ever feels threatened he has this horribly mean and scary bark. He uses that bark as he backs up toward me or behind the couch. haha! But it is very intimidating. And if I would ever be threatened or in danger, he wouldn't even bat a lash and he'd definitely protect me. He loves playing tug and loves chasing balls. He's definitely got lab in him with his fetching abilities. And I'm not sure what breed gives him his running abilities, but damn is he quick. He is my little monkey and it breaks my heart knowing he won't be my puppy forever, but it's not fair to him to be kenneled all day every day. And he's young, so I know he'll be ok.

- Ryan is being nice now. Super nice. Like today when I emailed him to tell him I was going to the doctor and tell him about our appointment with the attorney, he emailed me back and said, "Anyway, in all sincereness please do use the insurance card for the doctor's visit. You shouldn't have to pay anything - the deductable has been met. It will be atleast a little cheaper. Thinking of you, hope you are doing ok." After that when I called to tell him I did use the insurance he said how he genuinely cares about me and wants me to get better. And then we were talking about dissolution stuff and certain details we need to work out, like refinancing and such. Anyhow, it's good because this is exactly how things should work out with both of us being nice and adult-like and such. But it still makes me a little uneasy sometimes. I think part of it is the fact that he knows financially he's getting out really easy. I'm sure his dad told him that and told him to lay low on things. Which is fine, I'll take nice any day.

- I feel like crap. I've got a sinus infection that is seriously sucking any energy I possibly have out of me. Blech...

I think that's it for right now. haha!