The hardest part

The hardest part that I'm having to come to terms with is actually rather surprising to me. It's explaining to people and me having to be ok with them not being ok with it. Follow that? I didn't think so, I'll give an example.

I was talking to an aquaintance (not really a friend, not really just a random person) who knows a little bit about what I've been going through. She was asking me questions about where I am with things and how things have been going. Now, being a normal person she told me that she hopes we can work things out. She made a comment about how if I once loved him enough to work so hard for our relationship and loved him enough to marry him, it has to be somewhere inside me to want to get back. To me, it seemed like a sweet naive comment. I wasn't angry, I wasn't annoyed, I was actually kind of glad she said that.

The thing is, no one really knows what I'm going through. I can explain my every thought and feeling and action to someone constantly throughout my entire day, but I don't think they'll ever actually understand how it really feels. How much it really hurts and how much it really just sucks. They'll also never understand how relieved I feel about things and how I'm feeling more on track of where I want my life to be right now that I have in the past year.

Some people get a lot more of it than I think they do. Like the other day my cousin/best friend said "I'm just glad Becky is back" That comment made me so happy. She knows more about me than anyone on this planet and I'm so glad to hear her know this is me.

On a side note - I was reading over some of my answers to the questions below, and I realized how open and honest I was in them. I didn't think I was being that open in them (I probably wouldn't have posted them anywhere on the internet if I would have even thought about it first) but I'm so glad I was. I think it really shows another milestone in where I am right now. I'm ok with having certain feelings and sharing them.